A Tale of Breastfeeding Adventures
Published on July 17, 2023 at 11:51:57 AM PDT July 17, 2023 at 11:51:57 AM PDTth, July 17, 2023 at 11:51:57 AM PDT
My Motherhood Dance: A Tale of Breastfeeding Adventures
After a seemingly endless stretch of difficult pregnancy, my arms finally found themselves wrapped around our newest family member, Josh. He's my third child.
With two rounds of breastfeeding experiences under my belt, my heart danced between a jumble of jittery anticipation and calm assurance as I embarked on a new nursing journey with my newborn.
Been there, done that, yet, I wasn't blind to the fact that every new addition changes the family dynamics and will be a unique parenting journey waiting to unfold.
Breastfeeding brings undeniable health advantages for our little ones. The Health Promotion Board's national survey highlights an encouraging trend among Singaporean mums. A whopping 97% of strong-willed moms in Singapore are breastfeeding their children , a testament to their unwavering dedication to their children's health, even in the face of scant support at work or from their families.
While I was psyched to relish the bonding that breastfeeding fosters, I was also mindful of the challenges; the joy, tears, sweat and blood (literally).
The Dance Begins: My Initial Encounter with Breastfeeding
Five years ago, I began my adventure into motherhood with my firstborn, Emma. During the first few days in the hospital, I found myself in the deep end of the pool - recovering from a long labour that made a triathlon look like a walk in the park and grappling with the sudden transformation of my breasts into swollen, painful hard rocks. Ah, the unexpected “joys” of becoming a first-time mum.
Despite being blessed with a quick and plentiful milk supply post-birth, finding the right latch was the first task we had to conquer together.
At home, every feeding session felt like a battle, marked by struggles and tears streaming down both of our faces. Emma's loud heart-wrenching cries would reverberate through the bedroom while I endured the soreness in my nipples.
An unsettling sense of doubt and anxiety would often engulf me. Was exclusively latching her the right decision? Why was it so challenging to find a comfortable position for her? I felt lost, frustrated and upset.
Every time I latched Emma felt like scaling Mount Everest - the engorgement, the pain, and the relentless exhaustion. Many times, I silently prayed for a “sherpa” to appear and help guide me through the rocky terrains of breastfeeding.
Unfortunately, my prayer was not answered. Instead of warm help, I was greeted by icy blasts from relatives who, rather than offer support, decided to sprinkle salt on my frostbitten wounds. I could still recall vivid memories of gatherings where relatives, staunchly rooted in Asian perspectives, expressed their doubts about breastfeeding. They echoed the same sentiment - that Emma could never be satisfied solely on breast milk alone. They believed that waking up every two hours for breastfeeding sabotaged her sleep and that she wouldn't get enough nutrition to gain weight.
Their remedy was straightforward: formula milk and the 'convenience' of a bottle. To them, this would ensure Emma's satiety, longer sleeping hours, and their chance to partake in the bonding process with her through bottle feeding.
Despite their criticism, I was lucky to find an ally in my husband. Fortunately, we were both convinced that we were providing our baby with the best and nourishing her with the secure bond that breastfeeding naturally facilitates. No amount of sceptical glances or discouraging comments could sway our belief.
Aiding the Dance: Gathering the Right Support for My Breastfeeding Journey
Finding myself at my wit's end, I unloaded my struggles onto my gynaecologist during my post-partum visit. She must have sensed my desperate “first-time mum SOS” and swiftly put me on the road to see a lactation consultant.
The experience was nothing short of a godsend. I thanked my lucky stars for meeting a lactation consultant whose approach was reassuring and gentle.
She guided me to find the correct latching techniques, reminding me that it was a dance that both Emma and I had to master together. We tried various nursing pillows until we found one that made breastfeeding less of a Herculean task and more of the cosy, intimate bonding session I had imagined.
During our sessions, I acquired useful tricks, such as using a hot compress and towels to ease blocked ducts. I was incredibly lucky to have an excellent traditional Malay Jamu postnatal home massage lady who worked magic with her hands to alleviate my breast engorgement for smoother milk flow.
The most precious lesson I learned from my lactation consultant was the importance of emotional self-care, particularly when coping with the seemingly endless cycle of insufficient and disrupted sleep.
Light-hearted comedies and variety shows provided a welcome distraction during latching, and stolen moments of “me-time” at the neighbourhood park or a cafe nearby when my mom took over childcare duties for a few hours provided me with some relief.
I joined a support group for moms with kids born in the same year and month. Apart from celebrating our babies' milestones, it was easier to discuss challenges, ask for advice, and share experiences with the group as our little ones were at the same stage of development.
We exchanged notes on breastfeeding obstacles, recommended the comfiest nursing pillows, the softest nursing bras, as well as the best nursing rooms in shopping malls.
During the silent hours of the night, I found a comforting camaraderie in these new mum friends as we share virtual yawns and jokes during late-night pumping sessions or early-morning feeds, all of us joining forces to navigate the maze of motherhood.
The collective support from my family, lactation consultant, massage lady, and mommy community was my lifeboat in an ocean of breastfeeding struggles.
The Second Breastfeeding Act: Welcoming my Next Dance Partner
Three years later, when my second bundle of joy, Laura, joined our family, my life resembled a circus act. I juggled my time and energy between two young kids while trying to heal from my first caesarean. Breastfeeding was another ball thrown into the mix!
Significant blood loss during surgery left me physically weak, and Laura was given formula milk in the initial days at the hospital. I felt frustrated and angry that my labour was complicated and I had to undergo a caesarean. I was disappointed that my body was failing me when breastfeeding should have been easier since this was my second birth.
At home, things took a nosedive as I was torn between Emma's innocent pleas for playtime and Laura, who relied entirely on me for diaper changes, regular feeds, and gentle coaxing to sleep. I was walking the tightrope of motherhood, toggling my attention between my two children.
The most crushing burden was the sting of Mum's Guilt that often overwhelmed me. At bedtime, Emma would throw her worst tantrums as she was tucked into bed by my husband while I slept with our newborn. This sleeping arrangement was a necessary evil; Emma being a light sleeper and Laura fussy before latching, we had to find a solution that minimised disruptions throughout the night.
This guilt of not being there for Emma ate at me constantly. My mental health took a hit, and my breakdowns were a private spectacle for my husband behind closed doors.
During the darkest hours, the words of my lactation consultant echoed in my mind, “The well-being of a mother is the source of happiness and harmony at home”. It was tough admitting to myself that my insistence on exclusively latching Laura was to validate my identity as a good mother.
But with the strain it was placing on me, including heightened stress and mood swings that turned me short-tempered — it was clear that this path was doing more harm than good for me and my family.
Changing the Choreography: Adapting My Breastfeeding Strategy
Since Laura had no issues with milk bottles, I switched to pumping breast milk exclusively and having my husband feed her. During this time, I could give my undivided attention to Emma. This change reinstated some peace in our home.
We developed a feeding schedule that allowed everyone to bond with Laura. My husband took the early morning feeding, which gave me a precious extra hour of sleep. My mum and mother-in-law would often drop by, each thrilled to have their intimate time feeding and burping their granddaughter. Meanwhile, I could focus on Emma, whether it was helping her with a puzzle, reading her favourite stories, or simply snuggling up for some exclusive mother-daughter time.
With shared feeding responsibilities, not only did my sleep quality improve, I discovered a newfound sense of physical freedom. I could go on date nights with my husband and reconnect with friends over lunch. This rejuvenated me, enhancing my overall well-being.
Pumping also allowed me to see how much milk Laura was consuming, which eased a lot of my anxiety about her nutrition and growth.
When navigating the world of maternity nursing bras, breast pumps and its entourage of accessories, sterilisation equipment,bottles,andstorage bags,I felt overwhelmed. So many brands with unique features that promise to “revolutionise” my pumping experience.
Thankfully Mothercare, a trusted premium maternity retailer, not only offered the convenience of having well-stocked quality products, I had met a warm and knowledgeable retail staff who patiently guided me through the features of various breast pumps and showed me how to use them effectively.I managed to select a suitable pump from LoveAmme and nursing bra from Lazywaist that made my pumping journey smoother, painless and fuss-free.
(In an effort to celebrate breastfeeding awareness, Mothercare has collaborated with Lazywaist to feature a selection of exquisitely crafted shapewears designed for comfort with a luxurious touch of style - made to shape, flatter and empower. Displayed in our experience stores only at Harbourfront in August and Paragon in September, the brand will also be launching a maternity nursing bra for the first time, perfect for providing adequate support during and post-pregnancy.)
Every Breastfeeding Experience is An Unique Dance
As mums, we're bombarded with a myriad of messages and opinions about how we should dance to the tune of breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is important; you should strive to breastfeed for at least six months. Breastfeeding should come naturally; expect a wonderful bonding experience with your baby.”
Each of them insists that their choreography is perfect.
Throughout my breastfeeding years, I understood the wisdom of dancing to the ever-changing rhythm of motherhood. Together, my family created a unique dance where every step, dip, and twirl embraced the joy, challenges and beautiful moments that came with nourishing and bonding with my little ones.
Embrace your individual journey and know that your love shines through in every dance step, making you an extraordinary mum.